You may have read the book or watched the Netflix series Big Little Lies about these beautiful California moms living in a picturesque Monterey beach town living seemingly perfect lives that unravels in scandal and murder.
So we toss that up as Hollywood right, as big lies... but the catch is that it was the telling of all those those little lies, that we can all relate to, that led to the unraveling and eventual murder that became very big.
Are you too living behind little lies?
Little lies seem inconsequential, but they add up and lead to a lack of authenticity that may not unravel into a murder as it did in the show, but maybe a slow dying that gets you from the inside out and is no way to be or energy to create in your home.
Have you ever?
Found yourself—just to be polite—saying things you don’t mean?
Saying yes or maybe—when inside is screaming no, thank you?
Told yourself you are going to eat healthy, work out, read that book, write that book, do that thing... then choose to do every other thing than the thing you said you were going to do?
Not told the whole truth to lighten the blow then in the end found it made it much worse?
Put a front on the outside world that everything is perfect and peachy when inside you were anything but?
The Truth is Being untruthful serves nobody - especially not Yourself
We've all told these little lies more than we'd like to admit. We've learned that what we show on the outside is more important than what we feel on the inside.
Since we were born we've been conditioned to seek approval- from our parents, teachers, coaches, bosses. We've learned to look outside of ourselves for what can only be found inside. That has led us to live astray from our truth, our integrity all in an effort to get approval, to fit in, to please, to achieve—but at what cost?
The little lies add up. Living an inauthentic life and being in relationship without true communication, connection, and acceptance is no way to be. You can choose to do differently, make a different choice.
Whatever you want others to be, be that first yourself
More authentic relationships leads to a more meaningful, authentic life. It starts within and starts with you.
“Authenticity is not something you have—it’s something you choose.” - Susan Scott, in Fierce Conversations
Authenticity is making the choice to Live from your Truth
Truth is something that is felt. No words can adequately describe living in truth. However, we know when we are in it because we feel it and so do the people that we are connecting and working with.
Showing up in life, without embellishment is the greatest freedom. Don't fret, you can still tap back into it - even it if you've lost your way. It's there, just a bit deeper.
The good news is that your true authentic self will never leave you. It's what you are. Your conditioned self of striving, hesitating, fearing, following, embellishing is learned. You can return to truth, to love, by choosing to do so moment by moment, choice by choice. Here's 4 ways to do so.
4 ways to Choose Authenticity
1. Pause - I know it seems so easy. But it's not especially easy because many of us have learned to react and respond quickly. A momentary pause is your greatest tool to make a different choice. To respond differently. To tap into heart and sho up how you desire to be, how you were made to be. Learn to pause. From this pause you can make a different choice, one from truth. It's possible, moment by moment, choice by choice.
2. Breath deeply. Breath is healing. Breath is your natural way to tune back into your true authentic self that is love. By focusing on your breath, slowing down your breath, and being intentional and aware of your breath, you get present. When you are present, you are attuned to what you need and what you are called to be in this moment. A focus on your breath helps you to show up differently, to bite your tongue if needed, and return to your deeper intention for how you desire to be in your relationships, to be in your integrity.
3. Accept. Life is twisty, turney, and makes you wiggle and squirm. It's not always comfortable. Let's face it; it's mostly uncomfortable despite what our media leads us to believe through the false projection of perfection. It's through this discomfort that we grow. If it was easy and comfortable all the time, we'd be bored. How would we appreciate all that is? Accept what is coming up. Accept people for who they are - the more quirky the better. Knowing and trusting that we are all doing the best we can. As you do, you will find greater joy and peace. You will connect more and you will be free and energetically bringing forth more good in your life. Acceptance of yourself and others is the most freeing thing you can do and you feel the greater joy, meaning and fulfillment - even in the extra squirmy - because that is really living. Accept and trust this too shall pass.
4. Appreciate. Lastly, find a way to be appreciative. It's too easy to focus on what is going wrong. That is easy. Make the more uncomfortable choice to focus on what is going right. It will make you more free and happy. It's a muscle and like anything else, it works the more you work it. The more you can see what's showing up for you as divine as part of your plan, the more you can grow through it and step into who you were made to be.
Jay Shetty says "Let go of the 3 Cancers of the mind - comparison, criticism, and complaining" and choose appreciation instead.
Simply Be Authentic and Life will Flow Effortlessly
Your life will change by following these 4 steps toward being more authentic. You will not need to embellish, lie, or project - you can simply be and life flows effortlessly joyfully from this state of being.
You will draw forth the good in life - and in others. You will experience greater connection, stronger bonds, better conversations. The quality of your life is in the quality of your relationships. Truly be there for them by being authentic.
Just like in the book, extending all of our energy on the facade of perfect will not last. You will kill yourself - from the inside out - or another as happened in that Monterey Beach town!
All the world asks of you is for you to simply be you. So simply be and see all the good that is yours. Bring forth the gifts within you that are meant to be shared with the world. You are here to connect, to grow, and to simply be your whole self - your authentic self - so simply be!
Meditation Practice is a wonderful way to practice bring authentic. Check out Meditation and Life Recipes podcast to begin or deepen your meditation practice.